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Slimming Blues

Stop all the chocs, cut out that Toblerone,
Prevent the pastries baking, hide that fruity scone.
Once I’ve cleared the pizzas and each muffin crumb,
Bring out the coffee; let the slimmers come.

The Weightwatchers’ Circle, moaning, overfed,
Nibbling on the sly, needs roughage, it is said.
Now that we’re all gathered, let’s take the pledge to slim -
For weddings, (and a funeral), best if we are trim.

I swear, henceforth, my mouth won’t feast on pressed
Duck, ham and leek or stuffed chicken breast;
Won’t spoon crème delight or pork hong-kong.
I thought that weight loss would be easy: I was wrong.

Oat bars are now what’s wanted: eat up every one;
Pick up the prune and ditch the currant bun;
Pour a Slimfast potion; sweep away real food.
For nothing, when I’m fat, can lift my dreary mood.

Robert Sanders