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At family get-togethers, who’s the grey
Uncle who shocks the aunts with ribald jokes,
Then asks the twentysomethings if he may
Join them outside for extra-legal smokes?

What slipper’d pantaloon sprawls on the floor
Beneath a squirming, giggling toddler scrum?
Whose silly magic tricks are not meant for
The grown-ups?  ‘Look, he’s pulling off his thumb!’

Who has no aptitude for adult games,
But, when the children make up goofy super-
Heroes, whoops with them as they shout their names?
‘I’m Booger Man!’  ‘I’m Super Duper Pooper!’

This foolish fellow who won’t act his age,
This paragon of immaturity
Who thinks that all the world’s a panto stage,
Who’s this absurd relation?  Oh, it’s me.