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Oh, bother the boring cathedral,
The gardens by Thingummy Brown,
One more Roman drain will drive us insane
And the dungeons are getting us down.

Yes, it’s nuts to the Mona Lisa,
We’ll give Canaletto a miss.
We’ve simply no need for that Louis David
And we’re nipping past Rodin’s The Kiss.

Though civilisation is dandy
And culture is all very fine
We’ve had it to here with Braque and Vermeer,
Our eyes seek a different sign.

For of all the directions we've met with,
To the sculptures, the ruins, the view,
There’s nothing that starts to gladden our hearts
Like the ones to the cafe and loo.