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I reupholstered that at great expense
And sprayed your scratching post with catnip spray,
And all you have to say in your defense
Is that you’re in a sofa mood today.

But who am I to dictate to a cat?
I look at you and almost hear you say:
“I’m cute, you’re not — it all comes down to that.
You hardly use that sofa, anyway.”

And so, before the moment’s rage is spent,
I first yell “NO!”, then swat you, then relent.