To read the latest issue, click 'Issues by year' in the menu above

It’s come to my ears that research has revealed
(I got the main gist though the details are hazy)
That kindness to cattle increases their yield,
So tickle my withers and please call me Daisy.

I object to the supplement hormones you add
To boost my production (implying I’m lazy).
I’d rather eat grass and that's hardly a fad –
It’s what a cow eats if that cow is called Daisy.

A minor adjustment to help with lactation –
For instance if feed is a little more maizey –
Is fine (at the risk of a ripe emanation)
But numbers don’t suit me; I’m more of a Daisy.

I’m not a machine, though you think that’s my role.
A deal that’s reciprocal wouldn’t be crazy,
So come and say “Hi” when you’re out for a stroll,
And I’ll give you more milk if you’ll greet me as Daisy.

Jersey cow