Max Gutmann: Pink Slip
Blinkery-pinkery
Rosie the Riveter,
Icon of Double-u
Double-u Two,
Thrived on the job despite
Phallocentricity,
Then got the boot when the
Fighting was through.
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Robin Helweg-Larsen: Headlock
She got him at once in a headlock –
They tussled, but it was a deadlock:
One thought it was nice,
One was frigid as ice . . .
Ah, such are the wonders of wedlock!
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Glo Curl: Early Start
I took out life assurance as a fresher.
Young reps descended on the student halls
In trendy suits, exerting gentle pressure
To take out life assurance as a fresher
(The one who sold to me had come from Cheshire)
It proved to be one of my better calls
To take out life assurance as a fresher
Do reps today descend on student halls?
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Alex Steelsmith: Polyphaggia
(In 2008, Eric “Steakbellie” Livingston set a world
record by consuming 1.4 kg of haggis in eight minutes.)
Haggildy-piggildy,
Steakbellie Livingston
isn’t a human, we
have to deduce;
no merely anthropoid
gastrointestinal
tract could endure so much
offal abuse.
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L. A. Mereoie: Full And Foul
“ . . . I put my foot into a great heap of turds,
by which I found that Mr Turner’s house of
office is full and comes into my cellar . . .”
(Samuel Pepys: Diary for 20 October 1660)
Towns today smell a little bit sweeter
Than the London of Pepys, with a foetor
Due to privies and closets
With excessive deposits
Of that troublesome product, excreta.
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Cheryl Caesar: Lament
Poor Gregor Samsa!
My Mac is slowly dying;
apple in its back.
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Alex Steelsmith: Made in the Shade
Piggledy-riggledy
Saudi Arabia,
bastion of billionaire
barons of oil,
basks in a lifestyle that
photovoltaically
harvesting sunlight would
totally spoil.
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Jerome Betts: The Jewelled Johansson
The wandering ghost of Vermeer
Once haunted Delft’s Filmhuis to jeer
And react with wry mirth
When he saw Colin Firth
But admire Scarlett's pearl-studded ear.
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Max Gutmann
Dr. Samuel Mudd
Saw his reputation collapse with a thud
After treating John Wilkes Booth; it so declined,
His name became–well, never mind.
