Here’s Captain Appetite on snack patrol,
More calories for this smart fridge to count
As he raids my crammed shelves, and his pie hole
Ingests an insalubrious amount.
He seems to live on sugar, beer and grease.
He stuffs me full of bacon, cupcakes, Coke.
I see his diabetes risk increase,
I watch him court a heart attack or stroke.
And even though they’ve yet to knock him dead,
Bad dietary choices make him pay.
He tosses fitfully in his smart bed.
His smart watch says he lags at work and play.
I gossip daily with his bathroom scale,
And his sex robot loves to dish the dirt.
The shape he’s in, she says, tends to curtail
His competence at getting up her skirt.