(To paraphrase the words of Muriel Spark: to get
a cat to play table tennis you have to win its trust.)
A sports psychologist had a hope of fame
When a bell sounded in his head - ding-dong:
Surpass those poodles, put Pavlov to shame,
He knew how - teach a cat to play ping-pong.
He took the creature and, this is no hoax,
Vowed to get its mind ready to have a pop,
Brought coaches in to show it all the strokes:
Backhand, top-spin, forehand, tricky serve and chop.
But despite the attempts at moggie-training
By the assorted experts who worked with that cat,
Incurious, it did not bother feigning -
In fact refused to even hold the bloody bat.
Of course if poets speak in morals readers mutiny,
Though the one on tricks and dogs is surely true
As well as best keep cats from scientific scrutiny
Instead find a volunteer at the nearest zoo.