When you’re brain’s out of sorts, full of negative thoughts,
Fear not, because help is at hand.
There’s a place that I know, where I'd urge you to go,
Believe me, I do understand.
It’s a wonderful shop, where the vulnerable stop
To relax in an upholstered seat,
Next to shelves that display an amazing array
That should put you right back on your feet.
If anxiety’s rife and you’re burdened with strife,
Try The Value Of Positive Thinking.
Pick up some tips that will soften life’s blips,
Or even cut down on your drinking.
You can cure constipation with visualisation,
Get fit in three minutes a day,
Employ mind over matter to stop growing fatter,
Regardless of how much you weigh.
You could use self-hypnosis to cure your psychosis,
Go vegan to clear up that rash.
Impressive statistics for neurolinguistics,
Will assist you in parting with cash.
Yes, there’s Zen Meditation, Improved Concentration,
Advice From The Dearly Departed,
Make Good Conversation, Avoid Confrontation,
Ensure That You're Never Outsmarted.
You can study the text of one book then the next
In the search for a way to unwind
Like a person possessed in some glorious quest
To leave all your troubles behind.
But I should make it clear, that there’s irony here,
Self-help books become an obsession.
So, when all’s said and done, you’ll be back to verse one,
Only now . . . diagnosed with depression.