For Matt Hoey
A sign – but is it one command?
Should it perhaps be read as two?
Or three? I do not understand
Just what I am supposed to do.
If three, then I should use my car,
And exercise parental love;
For bliss, I shouldn’t travel far,
But settle here, and never move.
If two, then I must emulate
My children’s prowess at the wheel,
And, once again, amend my state,
A home right here would be ideal.
If just one order has been given,
Its author’s destined for the worst,
Roughly cast out from writer’s heaven,
Eternally reviled and cursed.
The fault – most heinous sin of all,
One no grammarian can forgive:
Replacing the conditional
With ‘like’ and the indicative.
What could provoke so foul a lapse,
A phrase so patently absurd?
Wait! Are those spaces really gaps?
The riddle’s solved! It’s just one word!
There’s no cause for syntactic shame,
The message stands out, bright and clear.
This sign proclaims the place’s name.
I’m in DRIVELIKEYOURKIDSLIVEHERE.