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Suppose December never ended,
Suppose the New Year had no dawn,
Suppose the stomach stayed distended,
Suppose the jaw locked in mid-yawn.

Suppose the Old Year had no off-switch,
Suppose the countdown never came,
Still the umpteenth turkey sandwich
Lurks within the human frame.

Suppose the table-top detritus,
Days and days of festive sleaze,
With threats of gastro-enteritis
Skulking in the Stilton cheese

Was stuck in mid-degeneration
Come the midnight, grown quite cold,
In deep suspended animation,
Decomposing put on hold.

The gastric plumbing, too, is slowing,
Flouting ergonomic rules,
Nothing coming, nothing going,
Microbes simply downing tools

Stalling the digestive process,
Slouching in the passageway,
Turning up their little noses
At the thought of New Year's Day.

It's no wonder crowds are cheering,
Fireworks veering back and forth,
Normal life is reappearing
When the clock hands both point north.