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If I lived in my spam folder
I would know four foods that kill fat
and seven foods that cause it
and how to target fat cells
and whatever the hell raspberry ketone is, I would use it daily

If I lived in my spam folder
I would have an oven that allows me to bake
perfect miniature pies

I'd have an endless supply of printer ink
Russian brides
Groupon deals
term life coverage
fine cigars
happy naked girls
and triple care dental spray for cats and dogs

If I lived in my spam folder
my mother would want to know what I want for my birthday -
wait, that should be in my inbox

If I lived in my spam folder
I would be your business partner because you live in Nigeria and want me to be
your partner in Christ so you can transfer me your inheritance
of sixty five million American dollars so we can avoid taxes
and start a school for orphans who are dying
and I can keep 20% for my assistance
and all you need are my bank details
God bless

If I lived in my spam folder
I would earn a PhD using the experience I have gained from life
I would win the Lotto five times in seven months
I would unlock potential in my iPod
I would be on your mailing list
I would win the Lotto seven times in five months
I would be enhanced for maximum pleasure
My love tool would be permanently set to thrill

Everything would be bigger
except those perfect miniature pies