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The Beatles never really rocked
Till Yoko came along.
She lifted John to new heights in
The art of the pop song.

Orson Welles’s ‘masterpiece’
About that Rosebud sled
Is boring. Give me action films
With lots of guns instead.

Watching Bambi makes me think
I’d like to shoot a deer.
Ketchup is good on escargot.
I put ice cubes in beer.

No Sex Please, We’re British is
The all-time greatest play.
Among screen actors, Russell Brand
Outshines Olivier.

The finest whisky comes from France.
You can’t beat Scotland’s wine.
Your kids and grandkids aren’t that cute
Or bright. Neither are mine.