Susanna Clayson: Builder Speak

DIY can be a pain.
Time and time and time again
I ask the builders to explain
exactly how they laid that drain
or fixed stuff and what tools they used,
but their replies leave me confused.
They suck their teeth and speak the same:
“It boils down to the wassername.

First take the doobrey and unscrew
the thingamajig — there should be two —
find the nubbin, whack the wotsit,
if that don’t shift it, use yer widget.
You may find the thingamabob
causes you grief when on the job.
It’s then the doofer must be used
or your doodabs will end up bruised.”

All this leaves me none the wiser
and if I ask their supervisor,
he talks in the exact same way . . .
“That gizmo caused a long delay
it doesn’t work well in that space.
It’s why we blocked the wasserface.
Thing is, with flanges, you can’t win,
we know, because we put them in!”