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“Nursing home forced to apologise after
stripper hired for residents in the Taoyuan
Veterans Home in Taiwan . . “  - LAD Bible

I’ll have you know that I’m an artiste:
My Papa’s a Buddhist priest,
And here’s what was passing behind my face
In that Taoyuan nursing place:

Zip! Is there room beside his teeth on his lap?
Zip! Is that fungus on his head or a cap?
Zip! How Confucius would react is not clear;
Zip! But Confucius wouldn’t like it, I fear

People in this institution
Antedate the Revolution –
Zip! Is that mashed chop suey?
We’ll have cardiac arrest if
I try anything too festive:
Zip! They’d find soup too chewy:

Zip! Still, I think they’re kind of sweet in their way;
Zip! And it’s nice to think I’m earning my pay;
Zip! I suspect this one was really a beau,
Zip! If you just go back three decades or so.

Possibly there’s been an error;
Matron’s showing signs of terror –
Zip! Still, the room’s now clapping;
All forgetting where their pain went,
Lapping up the entertainment
Zip! And I do mean “lapping”;

Zip! You have asked me what I think while I work:
Zip! Pole- and lap-dance, shake and twerk;
Though it’s true cash plays a part:
I’m the kind with a kind, kind heart!