Three Bears

We are such decorous, well-mannered bears,
Not savage hunters red in tooth and claw.
We sleep in beds and sit upright in chairs;
The food that we prefer is cooked, not raw.

Our domicile, far from a feral den,
Is a quaint cottage, tidy, well nigh twee.
Tamely adapted to the ways of men,
We are the harmless ursine bourgeoisie.

We do not let our well-reared cub run wild.
He’d scorn to be a burglar or a vandal.
We’re shocked to find our home’s been thus defiled --
The pilferage, the breakage, it’s a scandal!

We’re cuddlier than Paddington and Pooh.
Our dispositions couldn’t be much sweeter.
But this blonde girl’s behavior just won’t do:
As soon as she wakes up, let’s kill and eat her.


Chris O'Carroll