Lighten Up Online

The quarterly light verse webzine

Regrettably, an accident.
I’ve vacuumed up your elephant.
Forgive me, dear, my daft intent
to dust her with the implement.
Before I knew it, all of her
was sucked into the canister.

And now I fear the gizmo’s broke.
The back of it is spewing smoke.
It will not roll across the floor −
the thing must weigh a ton or more.
(If I had known how this would play
I’d first have done the passageway.)

The hose is issuing a stink
of mothballs, liniment, and ink.
The red light’s on. All signs confirm
the bag is full of pachyderm.
(If I were slightly less a fool
I’d first have done the vestibule.)

The engine noise is off the scale −
it won’t switch off, the thing will fail!
In any case, I do regret
the passing of your big-eared pet.
(If I had thought to think ahead
I would have walked the dog instead.)

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Random poet

Jayne Osborn lives in the UK, is a retired teacher and a well-known writer of humorous poetry. Her work has appeared in many publications and anthologies.

She suffers from a serious condition known as Apostrophe Rage, the symptoms of which are: muttering about appalling standards of education, and putting in – or more often removing – apostrophes in public places.

She has 3 children and 3.5, at the time of writing, grandchildren. Jayne rides a motorbike and, together with her husband, renovates their Victorian farmhouse, keeps a few exotic pets, and writes poems. Apart from all that it’s rumoured that she’s relatively normal.

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