Lighten Up Online

The quarterly light verse webzine

Pam Lewis: The Ultimate Dream Home

Some people today are engaged in a search.
They want their own house, a luxurious perch,
with the fixtures and fittings their life-style entails
to be their retreat from life’s trials and travails.

We watch as they search, on select TV stations.
We see their dilemmas and endless frustrations.
They look at the pros, they consider the cons,
and argue the merits of stainless or bronze.

The wife reports sadly that she doesn’t think
a guest bathroom works if there’s only one sink.
Her hopes for a bathroom that’s truly idyllic
are further destroyed when she sees it’s acrylic.

The kitchen’s new counters are much, much too short,
although they’re the length of a full tennis court.
They’re made of faux marble and not modish granite
and this is disastrous, they both sneer and pan it.

The husband needs respite from trading and arbitrage.
There’s not enough space in the three-car garage
or teak-panelled basement for workshop and den
and the lack of this feature’s an insult to men.

The living room skylight is not high enough.
Their life in this house could be awfully tough.
But here is the point that assures they’re not takers:
the size of the lot is a measly ten acres.

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