'The Internet . . . makes us all instant experts in the most esoteric
of complaints . . . it has never been easier to find ways and means
to escalate our passing worries into full-blown health anxiety . . .
[Hypochondria] is the antithesis of the certainty science attempts
to provide.’ – The Guardian
Higgledy-piggledy-wiggledy,
Fear of insidious illnesses
Keeps us obsessed with conditions we
Worriedly find on the Net.
Maybe we’re certain we suffer from
Enterobacteriaceae;
Surely it’s that, not anxiety,
Making our stomachs upset.
Frequently dwelling on symptoms of
Dysgammaglobulinemia,
Menace to healthy immunity,
Offers us reasons to fret.
Poring through clinical research on
Dermatohistopathology
Always gets under our skin, and it
Gives us occasion to sweat.
Often we also get stressed about
Hypercholesterolemia,
Hypercoagulability
Further compounding the threat.
Sadly, we long to experience
Sesquipedaliophobia,
Maybe the only condition we
Never seem able to get.
*The Triple Dactyl:
- All lines are in dactylic meter.
- Line 1 is repetitive nonsense, rhymed if possible.
- Line 2 is a noun / noun phrase.
- All lines are 9 syllables, except for the fourth line in each stanza, which is 7 syllables.
- Lines 4 and 8 rhyme. (And 12 and 16, and so on, in a longer poem.)
- In each pair of stanzas, at least one line—preferably line 6—is a single 9-syllable word.