To read the latest issue, click 'Issues by year' in the menu above

I took my would-be sweetheart out
On a pub date one cold night −
When suddenly a savage thug
Provoked a brutal fight.

He started thrusting a huge knife
Towards my body parts −
I said "Sir, let's be gentlemen,
I challenge you to darts!"

"Not darts!", he gasped in utter shock,
Knife falling to the floor.
"Oh, please don't harm me, sir!", he cried
Then ran out through the door.

A sport that suits fine men of worth
With hands and nerves of steel −
Yes, when a darts man stands his ground
The villain's sure to squeal.