I hold to the view, as true English folk do,
and I demonstrate daily with zeal
that, though slimmers may glare with distaste and despair,
tea's not just a drink – it's a meal.
The near-zero amount of the calorie count
in each cup of the nectar which cheers
may bring comfort to those who've lost sight of their toes
as the threat of obesity nears;
but it gives me, I hope, just about enough scope
to adhere to my first rule of thumb –
that tea's calorie lack gives me scope to attack
a calorie-laden cream bun.
And because I can see that with sugarless tea
I'll forego yet more calorie intake,
just to even things up, with each subsequent cup
I'll have an éclair or a cupcake.
Then as each cup of tea has been calorie-free
and has therefore been making me thinner
I have one more cream puff – and hope that's enough
to keep me “restored” until dinner.