Heather Dubrow; Advice and Dissent
Doctor firmly intones, "Given your age
And the new diagnosis on your knees,
Using a wheelchair now on would be sage."
But the patient impatiently disagrees.
"Surely this cane will be more than enough.
I'm safe even when jostling gets rough."
Caine Mutiny won – till the patient fell
Flat. Like that pun falls flat as well.
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Alan Millichip: A Cream Tea
More credit should be given to the scone,
A showcase of ability and pride;
The jam and cream debate may set the tone,
But don't let that detract from what's inside.
Some purists will be demand that it is plain,
Grading the texture of the risen flour;
Others are passionate it must remain,
The light brown seedless raisins’ finest hour.
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Clyde Always: Drag
Hi Captain, please note that, while I’m on this plane,
it’s crucial your crew members kindly refrain
from brewing up coffee, as even the smell
could stop me from breathing, and cashews, as well,
might do me right in. Is that scented shampoo?
The fumes you’re emitting could kill me – it’s true!
I’m also allergic to jet fuel. I trust
you’ve some other option to generate thrust.
Of course! We’ll affix you a rear-facing chair
on the roof of the craft. Just keep blowing hot air.
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Paul Burgess: Light at the End of the Tunnel
I walked inside a tunnel dark as night
For days before I saw a distant light.
My heart was dancing as I gladly roared
And shouted words of thanks to praise the Lord.
The atmosphere appeared to gaily ring
With whistling hymns the holy angels sing,
And soon my soul was free of woe and pain
Though body parts were splattered on the train.
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Alex Steelsmith: Miraculess
(On reading that blood-coloured marks
found on a communion wafer were shown
by laboratory analysis to be bacteria –
not a miracle as some had believed.)
Snappily, scrappily,
certain bacteria,
being more willing and
able than most,
sometimes, according to
parasitologists,
opportunistically
thrive on a host.
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Barbara Loots: Smooth Sailing
We're at the lake to lose the blues.
We have a lot of boats to use:
paddleboat and two canoes;
motorboat for bigger crews;
sailboat rigged for ones or twos;
kayak if the winds refuse
to blow – and yet, I'm apt to choose
the deck chair captained by my Muse.
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Midge Goldberg: The Second BBQ Since He Died
– for Rhina
The chicken’s tasty, nonetheless.
Broiled, no fanfare (and no mess).
Funny how things stay his or hers.
How long till that distinction blurs?
How long until she goes outside
(how long’s it been since she last cried?),
ignores his ghost (wisecracking, loud),
pulls off the grill’s protective shroud?
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Tracy Davidson: 20 Years of YouTube
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are singing Baby Shark, doo doo, doo doo,
If you can watch 'Charlie bit my finger' too,
And sleepy pandas sneezing at the zoo;
If you can bear to see Gangnam Style once more
And not find grumpy cats a total bore,
Yours is the type that YouTube aims to please
With viral videos of crap like these.
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Martin Parker: Bad Hair Days
My head of thick hair was once tousled
By lovers when passions arose.
But no-one was ever arousled
By the hair in my ears or my nose.
This hair, though it’s all I’ve now got
And its growth is both rapid and rich,
Is no tactile big draw to the hot.
Sadly, all that it does is just itch.
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Miriam N. Kotzin: Lamentable Revelation
Higgledy-piggledy
Emily Dickinson—
putative Verse maker?
You shan’t deny—
copious Em Dashes—
anachronistically—
indicate Emily’s—
use of AI.
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Philip Kitcher: A Kick In Time . . . Sublime!
The glory that was Basel will endure.
Happy the sporting nation fortune blesses
with come-back thrills that lead to their successes!
Football divinities love Lionesses.
Our midfield’s porous, our attack is stuck,
for how much longer can we ride our luck?
We must take comfort in the lasses’ pluck.
A country’s eyes are frozen to the telly.
Pulses accelerate, our knees are jelly . . .
Deliverance is brought by . . . CHLOE KELLY!
