“To be or not to be” may tax the minds of generations,
And many existential puzzles call for explanations,
But only one advice is plain when mortal pressures loom:
Be sure that you’re the right way up before you leave the womb.
A host of healthy-living gurus struggle to compete
In telling people what they should and what they shouldn’t eat,
But as for lifestyle choices, let a thousand flowers bloom!
As long as they’re the right way up before they leave the womb.
Believe me, if you’re tempted to be acrobatic, don’t.
You may suppose she’ll shove you out regardless; well, she won’t.
The baby that is every obstetrician’s source of gloom
Is one that’s not the right way up before it leaves the womb.
It’s often tough in there for baby’s bendy little spine,
And grim when long delay and lack of oxygen combine;
I’m here to say, the birth canal gives very little room
To get yourself the right way up when you have left the womb.
It’s also quite a downer when the realisation hits
That not all babies know the way to exit; really, it’s
Enough to cool the ardour of the keenest bride and groom
To think of babies lurking wrong-side-up within the womb.
Take comfort – if you get it right, you’re wholly in the clear;
A baby born the proper way has little more to fear.
It doesn’t matter what you do from cradle to the tomb
As long as you’re the right way up before you leave the womb.
One’s view of life is sometimes clouded at an early age,
Especially if there’s been a mishap at the launching stage;
But hear me well, as one who speaks from knowledge of his doom,
For I was not the right way up before I left the womb.